Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i now understand why vodka
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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