You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
