In the future we'll all be gay
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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