its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she pinky promised me she was 18
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I pour the whiskey from now on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
