There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
