dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
