I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
