We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
wow bdsm is so cute
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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