piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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