I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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