I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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