Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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