I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
