did you get engaged???
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is it penis luge time yet?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
