i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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