he puts the penis in happiness.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
