Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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