It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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