It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You can't special order awesome
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
