haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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