Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
