I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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