How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
