I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is classic penis vs brain.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
