just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
