im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
