dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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