please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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