my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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