just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
