I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
