never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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