...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
