I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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