I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
