Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
