turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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