Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
