Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
