At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish there were birth control emojis
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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