you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
