It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
