She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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