he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
