Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
