I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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