ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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