I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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