check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
