dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
