Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
